Funk

Ever have those days when you feel like complete and total shit? Not sick, but emotionally. One of those days when you look in the mirror and all you see are the bad things...the gray hairs, the wrinkles, every possible imperfection, the extra weight...everything wrong and nothing right. One of those days when you think about your life and where you are and where you've been and where you're going and it all seems like a total waste of time. One of those days when there is no light at the end of the tunnel...one of those days when you know there's good, but you just can't seem to see it through all the shit. Well, that is today...and I'm not even PMSing.

I'm tired. The sun is hiding behind all the fog. I just want to go home and get under the covers and stay there...forever.

Back!

Wow, well...it's been a long, long, long time since I've blogged. It's not that nothing has been going on, it's just that I have not been very motivated to write and I have been very, very busy.

Here are a few key points from the past several months:

• I got my private pilots license
• I changed flight schools and am now flying in Spruce Creek. It's closer, cheaper and I really enjoy my instructor. He has a lot of real world knowledge and seems to make the instrument training more understandable and manageable.
• I passed my instrument written exam and have just a few more hours before my check ride
• I went on holiday to South Africa...now my favorite place I've traveled to...so much so that I'm going back in 2009 and might possibly buy a house there.
• My grandfather passed away. It was expected, but not really...if that makes any sense. It was also a long, short road. Regardless...I'm sure he's much happier than he was living with a body that was deteriorating and not allowing him to live life as he wanted.

As I mentioned above, it's not long before I get my instrument rating and then from there I will finish up my commercial rating. I think I will probably finish up with everything in January. From there I will have to find some way to build hours in order to get a 'real' flying job. Most people become flight instructors, but this is plan B for me (anyone who has ever driven me around in a car can understand why I might not be too happy being passenger in a helicopter being flown by someone who has no clue what they are doing). At this point I'm hoping for a job flying tours or maybe photo flights...hell I don't know...anyone know someone with a helicopter that might give me a job??

Oh, I'm quite excited about my flight yesterday. It might not seem like much, but I landed at Daytona International Airport at max speed (90k) solely by instrument (ILS)...not looking past the control panel until I was approximately 20ft off the ground. This was the first time I've flown the heli that fast so the approach was a bit more intimidating than normal. I did good though. :o)

Today is NYE so Happy New Year to everyone! Ian's mom will be landing this afternoon for her long weekend visit. We will be going out to the Ranch for a sleep over. Mary Beth is preparing a big Moroccan dinner. Then on Thursday I will be taking my grandmother to a block party/meet and greet in her neighborhood (fun, fun).

I'm looking forward to a very productive 2009. I have lots of things in my life that I want to work on and improve. I know that the resolutions are always the same and usually short lived, but I'm going to try harder and actually ask my friends for help. I'm not a strong as always thought I was.

So, here's to a good new year!! Much love to all!!

Best Saturday ever!

Saturday started with a bright and early trip down to Orlando Executive Airport for my inaugural flight as a licensed Private Pilot. Against mine and my instructors better judgment, Ian talked me into flying him up to Deep Woods Ranch. It's not that it's too far or beyond my capabilities...the instructors at my school just thought it would be best to do it with an instructor first in case something unusual came up. The day before the flight I designed my flight plan and decided it would be fine...I didn't' have to traverse any major airspace and I have GPS (or so I thought).

Fast forward to Ian and I in the helicopter. I'm doing my preflight and programming my GPS to what I thought was Deep Woods Ranch...well, it turns out that since it's a private airport it's not loaded into the GPS so I would have to trust my flight plan and actually use my chart in order to locate the tiny airstrip located somewhere amongst the National Forest (insert panic here).

It came up at the party the night before that we'd be flying up so Justin said that he would be there to take pictures...cool! So Ian texted him to let him know when we were airborne.

Oh, I forgot to mention that while I was getting dressed I had the brilliant idea that we could scatter Maizee's ashes (yeah, I know it's been around 2 years, but we were waiting for that perfect moment to come along).

So, back in the air. I start to follow my flight plan and would you believe that my navigational skills were smack on! My calculated timing between way points was as close to exact as possible...I actually amazed myself. We passed by Locals Tower and could see the roof of the hangar just ahead. I told Kim that I would do a flyby before landing so I came around and flew down the runway and there were about 15 people out in front of the hanger yelling and cheering me on! It was awesome to have all those people there to support me and who thought I was cool ;o).

After shutting down we chilled for a bit and had a cup of coffee before taking a few people on rides. Almost everyone who got a ride had never even been in a helicopter before so it was awesome to be the one to share that experience with them!

It's time to head back now so Ian gets in the helicopter and gets Maizee ready for her release. I climb to 600 feet and fly back down the runway. Ian releases Maizee for an eternity at the Ranch with my Mom. :o) It was cool that I could be the pilot, but I didn't get to see it so thank you so much for the awesome pictures Justin!! I will post a few as soon as I get them.

When we got back to the airport my instructor presented me with a bottle of wine, a balloon and an awkward Norwegian hug :o).

From here Ian took me to lunch at Bahama Breeze where the food was awesome and I was able to enjoy my favorite Mojito. What a great way to end a great morning...except, it doesn't end here.

Mary Beth is selling a house that has a pool out back. I don't know how long it's been since the house has been occupied, but the pool is totally green and infested with hundreds, if not thousands of tadpoles in different stages of development. The pool boy was scheduled to come out on Monday to shock the pool. Mary Beth thought it would be really cool if we could save the tadpoles from their looming fate. So we showed up armed with nets and buckets and managed to save several hundred. We relocated the lucky ones to a tiny pond out at the Ranch. I feel really bad that we couldn't save them all. I'm hoping that many of them finished developing over the rest of the weekend and made it to safety before being burned to death by nasty pool chemicals.

And finally from here we made our way to meet Hannah & Joe and Kay & Ron for sushi dinner at my favorite Thai restaurant.

I can not remember ever having such an uplifting, happy day in my entire life! Thanks to all of you who were able to share it with me!! I'm still trying to wipe the perma-smile off my face!!

Random thoughs

Sitting here between flights I was just thinking that my blogs need more visual aides. So here's one...me kickin' it old school.

Whacked

I never thought I was a hypochondriac (but I guess most people who are, don't). For years now I've had "symptoms" that I've pretty much attributed to getting older and hormonal changes. Over the years I've had several blood tests that have all come back negative so I just kinda blew it all off.

Over the past several months all the ideas of possible issues have been surfacing again. My acupuncturist said that she thought I had a thyroid issue and said that most of the test are inaccurate. At a party I was talking to several other women who've been diagnosed with thyroid issues and their symptoms seemed very similar to mine so I started to research hypothyroidism on the internet. I know that's kind of dumb because if you look hard enough you can probably match your "symptoms" to any disease or illness out there. But, I did it anyway and found out that I'm the poster child for hypothyroidism! I gathered all my notes and list of symptoms and made my way to my Primary Care Physician. She ordered a plethora of blood and urine tests and told me to come back in a week. The lab people told me that my doctor would have the labs the next day so I made my appointment to go back to my doctor just short of a week.

When I arrived, the office had not yet received my labs so they had to get online and download them from the lab. The nice PA sat down with me and went over them and basically said that everything was not only in the normal range, but almost perfect. I just couldn't believe it and went home thinking I was whacked in the head. I guess all my "symptoms" were related to old age, lack of taking proper care of myself, etc and not my thyroid or even hormonal. :o(

A couple days later I received a phone call from the nurse at the office. She regretted to inform me (if only she knew) that when I was in earlier that week that all my labs had not been accounted for and that they just received some more results that showed elevation of something in my thyroid!! Not that I'm happy about being "sick"...but YAY!!! Now I know why I've been porking up and dealing with the other long list of symptoms associated with hypothyroidism!! I've got an appointment with the endocrinologist in a couple of weeks.

It's a really good feeling to find out that you actually have an issue and are not insane or a hypochondriac!

Dreams, Goals, Aspirations: Ambition

This past weekend was our 6 year anniversary so we packed up the car and headed over to Tampa for a little escape and some roller coaster fun at Busch Gardens. We got a room at a nice B&B and made reservations for dinner at a place on the water (my camera totally hosed me and deleted all my pictures and started to give me an error message so no supporting pics for this blog).

Over dinner Ian and I got in a deep discussion about life and aspirations (mine mainly). I've known for a long time that I'm stuck in a rut. I work in a dead end job that has been sucking the life out of me for years and I don't really have any extra curricular activities that really get me excited anymore. Don't get me wrong...there ARE things that I dream about and would love to do...I've just never been one to follow my heart and that's where this blog is heading. Ever since I graduated from High School I've had a full-time job. I've always been responsible, I've always been good with my money and work hard to have the material things that I want and need. This, I suppose, was the way I was raised.

Whenever I consider things that I can (should) be doing to make my life more meaningful, I usually end up talking myself out of it. Where will I find the time, where will the money come from, what if I fail? I know everyone must ask themselves the same questions when making a big life decision, but I've never gotten past the what ifs. I know it's possible, I see people do it all the time...hell, I live with a man who is living his dream.

So, here it is. For as long as I remember I have wanted to fly helicopters (most of you probably already know this). My dream job used to be to fly for a TV station doing traffic reports. I've since changed that dream because I don't care much for the media or their (lack of) morals. I would HATE to be that helicopter flying around the DZ after an accident or around someone's home after a family member was murdered. Anyway, I digress, I still want to fly. And, one of the best helicopter schools in the country is less than an hour from my house and training takes less than a year...it is expensive though and I may suck at it. But with some help and support of my friends and loved ones...maybe I will make this dream come true. I've filled out the application, started retrieving my transcripts, and plan to sit down and talk to Trond (who is a current student at the academy). The wheels are in motion! Wish me luck! and kick me in the ass if/when I start to run away.

Hockey

I like hockey! Hockey has all the ingredients of a great sport: fast moving action, great music, fun red-neck hecklers, BEER, fights and blood (albeit only a few drops at this last game). Lara, if you are reading....I think it might even out do Nascar!! It's amazing how much fun you can have for under $20!! Totally worth the drive to Jacksonville. Oh, not to mention...we got to see Jimmy Fallon. No clue why he was there, but was all decked out in hockey garb surrounded by large African American body guards.

Ian can't understand why I like hockey but not MFGs (movies for guys who like movies). They have the similar content...but I just like being there. I miss the games in ATL. Now those were FUN!! Way more fights than any boring MFG! I once saw the ATL Knights mascot deflate and fall down several flights of stairs. Where else can you get that kind of entertainment??

Unfortunately, the home team (Jacksonville Barracudas) lost, but this gives us another opportunity to go back tomorrow night for the big show down...it's the play offs or something like that...I don't care, I just go for the blood and beer!!

New Wheels

I think it’s new car time. I’m not so much jonesing for anything in
particular like I have in the past (Jetta, Element, T-Bird…) but feel the need for something a bit more green. Being a paranoid passenger I find myself driving a ton. I put about 25,000 miles a year on my car, which is pretty ridiculous considering I live about 3 miles from work.

So far the car highest on my list is the Toyota Camry Hybrid. This thing gets 40 mpg!! It also comes with some of the luxury items that I have missed with the Element such as leather seats, steering wheel controls, and seating for more than 4! Don’t get me wrong, I totally LOVE my Element but it is pretty minimalistic. Plus, it’s quite challenging for my Grandparents (and Lara) to get in and out of. And, one of the main reasons for getting the Element in the first place was so that Maizee had room. :o(

I face a few challenges before I can get this new car. First and foremost I have to get Sadie (the T-Bird) out of the garage. The damn car will not start despite the $4000 new engine and other repairs. Charlie has pretty much thrown up his arms so I’m in the market for a new mechanic. Lara sent me a few links to some local clubs, which I have followed up with, but only received one recommendation. We’ve left several messages for this mechanic but he hasn’t called back…so, back to the drawing board. I’m hoping that our Hispanic neighbors (who, from the number of vehicles in their front yard, are either running a small car dealership or are mechanics themselves) will take a look at her for me.

Next challenge will be selling the Element. I know I won’t get what I should out of it if I trade it in so I’m gonna put it in the Auto Trader. It’s a great car so I’m hoping it will sell fast – but my past history of car sales has not been stellar.

Finally, yet the most exciting challenge will be choosing colors and options. I’m very indecisive so that should be fun. Also, I HATE car dealerships and car salesmen – they just rub me the wrong way. I always feel like I’m taking it up the ass when I’m there.

All that said…hopefully, in the next few months, I will be cruising around in a more economical ride. :o)

American Idol

I have been watching American Idol since season 2. I am absolutely addicted to the show. (If I could choose one talent, it would be the ability to sing.) Not only am I addicted to the show, but also I get pretty fanatical about it, jumping up and down, screaming at the TV and, of course, voting numerous times for the contestants that I love.

This year, however, is starting off quite crappy. It’s not so much that the contestants are bad (but we have had better in past years) but give me a freakin’ break – Diana Ross songs??? WTF? I thought the contest was for American (POP) Idol…not, American (what my grandparents listened to) Idol. These contestants are young adults ranging in age from 17 up to 29 (most being in their early 20s). How is it fair (or interesting) to see these young people butcher these songs? In one hand they tell them to make them their own, but when they do they tell them that it doesn’t work…Well duh! Making the songs their own means bringing them into our era (well the contestants era), which doesn’t work with songs that were written and designed in the freakin’ 60s!

If I’m going to continue to love this show they (the producers) need to step it up a notch and find some artists that these kids can relate to! Thank God for DVR and fast forward!!

BTW, for those of you who watch…I’m vying for Blake (even though his last performance was a little iffy).

Sometimes I still cry

Well, it’s been over two years now and I still find myself crying over my mom’s passing. (I also find myself still crying over my Maizee’s passing and it’s been almost a year now. I loved that damn dog) Is this normal? Or am I just a sentimental freak? I don’t really know. There are so many questions left unanswered.

Sometimes I’m sad because I don’t feel sad, but sometimes I cry because I miss the lost relationship (however dysfunctional it might have been), even after two years I still find myself reaching for the phone to call my mom to talk about things that are bothering me (I’m a bit dysfunctional on my own!). So what else is there? What happens when I’m all that’s left?? No brothers, sisters, mother, father, grandpa, grandma? The reality is a bit unsettling.

Almost famous...

I'm in print! Well, not for the world to see, but as advertising on Justin's business card!! (and no, I'm not the naked one.)